Reframing failure
Have you ever felt really awful after getting a rejection or a perceived failure? Then, keep reading.
When we have a clear idea of how we'd like something to go and how we think it “should” go, we make that outcome responsible for us being OK.
I'm talking about:
the rejected grant that was years in the making
the major revisions for the article you thought was great
not being awarded a promotion
your kid/partner/dog/family member not behaving how you'd like in public.
And when these things don't go to plan, we struggle with that. We feel like a failure.
In such scenarios, we place our chance for happiness in the hands of external circumstances. When we do this, we are making the grant, the article, the promotion, the good kid or happy partner responsible for the way we feel.
But life is so much easier when we take control of our own happiness by getting it from within.
Complete the following:
I will feel like a success when...
What is it for you? When I get the grant? When I get the promotion? When I publish 5 more articles? When I'm engaged? When I've lost a stone? When my kid doesn't kick off in the supermarket?
Failure is a state of mind. Start reframing things for yourself. You get to create the narrative where you're successful regardless of whether you get the grant, the paper, the whatever. You don't need to rely on that outcome to feel good.
Because, guess what? When we do rely on these things, the goalposts simply move when we get there. We don't feel better because providing that our urgent needs are met, feeling better comes from the thoughts we think, not our external circumstances.
