If you check email on holiday, then I want to offer that you need it more than it needs you

I was listening to a podcast with Gabor Mate the other day talking about junior doctors. He and the podcast host were discussing how some junior doctors just can't tear themselves away from their work and end up staying late or going in on their day off. The host mentioned that some of his doctor friends would respond to criticism of doing this by saying, "But my patients need me."

I hear this sometimes from some academics. There's this constant nagging feeling—sometimes it's variations on "my students need me," but often it's just that deep-rooted guilt that if they don't keep regularly checking in, something will go wrong, the shit will hit the fan, and they'll get in trouble. And it's not even a medical issue! It's not life or death like what these doctors have to face. 

Gabor's response to the host's friend saying, "But my patients need me", was this:

"No, they don't need them; they need medical help. What your friend is actually saying is not that 'my patients need me' but 'I need my patients to feel OK. And when I'm not working to help them, I don't know who I am, and I don't feel comfortable with myself. So I need them."

Oooofff! Does that hit home for anyone? I want to acknowledge here that some staff carry an even deeper pressure when it comes to student mental health. The fear that if they don't respond immediately, they might miss something critical or, worse, be blamed for not intervening in time can be overwhelming. And while this concern is deeply real and serious, it's also important to recognise that your constant availability does not necessarily solve the problem. In fact, it might be making it worse—by burning you out, it makes you less effective when you are needed. 

So, if you're checking your email on holiday, ask yourself: does it really need you right now, or is it just feeding into a cycle of guilt and anxiety that you don't deserve to carry? If you're in this position, get the support you need.  You are almost definitely not being paid enough to be carrying this responsibility, so bring in your line manager and make sure they're aware of how much it's affecting you.

Gabor wrapped up by touching on this:

"Even [doctors'] capacity to help their patients over time will be eroded by the way they're stressing themselves and not taking care of themselves. Physicians are notoriously programmed to ignore themselves."

Sound familiar?  All of us high achievers in the world?

I hope you decide to take some well-deserved time off over Christmas—do whatever feels right for your energy (I'll be taking 2 weeks).