Good girls don’t get the promotion (or the grant, or the recognition, or the research time…)
Those of us who made it through to the upper echelons of the education system, i.e., academia, have spent most of our lives following the rules and being good.
We were taught that the way to succeed is to:
✔ Work hard.
✔ Follow the rules.
✔ Say yes to what’s asked of us.
✔ Make sure everything is right and perfect before putting it out into the world.
✔ Wait for someone to recognise our efforts.
And for a while, this works. It gets you the top marks at school, the PhD scholarship, the first job in academia. But then… it stops working.
Suddenly, you look around and realise that the people who are getting ahead, the ones winning the big grants, publishing widely, getting their ideas recognised, aren’t necessarily the best academics.
They’re just the ones who aren’t waiting for permission.
The Problem
Women in academia are stuck in a pattern of anxiously following the rules and asking for permission.
We wait to be told we’re “ready” before for promotion, or we go for a tiny grant first thinking we’re not really “ready” for a bigger one.
We assume that working harder will get us noticed, so we take on admin, mentoring, pastoral work.
We don’t put our research first, because it feels selfish.
We perfect our papers and grant proposals instead of submitting them before they’re ready.
We check our emails constantly to make sure we don’t miss anything.
And what happens?
While we’re following all the rules, someone else (who hasn’t spent years proving they’re good enough) is putting themselves forward.
That’s why good girls don’t get the grant. Or the keynote. Or the time to actually do their research.
The Solution
It’s not about working harder. It’s not even about “confidence.”
It’s about training your nervous system to feel safe doing what successful academics do.
Because the problem isn’t that we don’t know we should be prioritising research, setting boundaries, or submitting work before it’s perfect. The problem is that it feels deeply unsafe for many of us to do so.
Not answering emails instantly? Feels risky.
Saying no to a request? Feels selfish.
Taking a stand in your research? Feels uncomfortable.
But when you retrain your nervous system to tolerate uncertainty, everything changes.
You start applying for opportunities before you feel ready.
You stop overworking to prove yourself.
You put your research ideas first—without guilt.
You finally feel free in your academic career, instead of trapped by an endless to-do list.
The Results
This is why my clients—the ones who learn how to work with their nervous system instead of against it—get different results.
They do less, but achieve more.
They stop feeling guilty about prioritising their research.
They set boundaries without constantly worrying about what people think.
They feel in control of their careers, instead of waiting to be noticed.
Success in academia isn’t about being “good.”
It’s about being visible, strategic, and safe in your own authority.
And when you stop waiting for permission? That’s when everything changes.
