Stop saying you ‘have to’—it’s keeping you stuck

How many times today have you told yourself I have to?

• I have to work this weekend to finish my grant proposal.

• I have to go to teach today.

• I have to fix the assessment my co-teacher messed up.

• I have to take on extra revisions because my co-author isn't pulling his weight.

• I have to work late to get this marking done.

• I have to send my kids to wrap-around childcare because I need to work. I don't have a choice.

It sounds like a small thing, but the words "I have to" make you feel powerless. They trap you in a victim mentality, reinforcing the idea that you have no control over your work or your time.

But here's the truth: You don't have to do anything.

There are only five things we truly need to do:

🟢 Eat

🟢 Drink water

🟢 Breathe

🟢 Go to the toilet

🟢 Sleep

Everything else? A choice.

So instead of I have to, try this:

🔹 "I'm choosing to work this weekend because getting this grant means a lot to me, and it's just a one-off."

🔹 "I'm choosing to teach today because I care about my topic, my students, and I want to keep getting paid."

🔹 "I'm choosing to take on this revision because I want this paper to be published."

🔹"I'm choosing to put my kids in childcare so I can focus on my career/time alone and create a certain quality of life for us."

Reframing it as a choice puts you back in the driver's seat. And if the reality isn't ideal, you get to decide if you want to change it. Or whether actually, it suits you to do it this way.

It reminds you that you're not being forced—you're making decisions based on what's important to you.

Try it for a day. Catch yourself when you say 'I have to' and swap it for 'I'm choosing to.'

Let me know what changes for you.